• So I'm sitting here at school, on my five hour long break, wishing I wasn't sick, cause then that means this break wouldn't feel nearly as long, cause I could go work out. It also makes me really sad to not be able to go work out. I've come to enjoy my workotut time, and I miss it today, :(
• So, super duper excited to go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I, I can't even wait. It's going to be friggen fantastic. Even though it means that I'm not getting home till late that night, but that's okay, it's completely worth it!
• I'm also not enjoying having to write this German projekt right now. I don't wanna! I wanna go home and sleep for fifty years, but if I don't do it now, it's probs not going to get done, and I really need an amazing mark on this projekt, yes please!
• Also debating not going to psych. Friggen, still 3 hours away!
• I think that's all I have to say, just thought I would complain a little bit, lol.

Oh goodness!

First of all: Hello Blog, it's been a while, holy!

Second: School right now is kicking the crap out of me! Seriously, it's getting to that point in the year when you just start to get drained and want to quit right now. I know that I'm not going to do that, but I feel like it sometimes.

Third: My brain is in such a confusion and uproar right now. So much has happened in the past couple of weeks, and I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it. Like I know that it all happened, but it still seems very surreal, and I'm not quite to sure what to think about everything. It's also making me realize that I can't let myself get too caught up in everything, cause that's when everything goes wrong. Probs doesn't also help that I'm pms-ing right now, and I'm stressed to the absolute max. I don't even know how close to tears I've been this week. It's fantastic, it really is. This is why I don't like being a girl, I hate how my mood changes all the time, just when it seems like I'm getting everything together again, something comes in and throws everything off.

I feel like I'm going through a .... something. I'm not sure what exactly this something is, but I have a feeling that it's going to have an impact on my life in some way. (Don't ask me why I think this, I think it's one of those female intuition things!)

I just gotta remember to keep my wits about me, and don't run away with things. As much as I'd like to free-float through life, it's never worked out like that, so I don't think it would now.

Whoops!

Most definitely forgot that I even had this, lol, fail on my part! Just saying.

Defs sitting right now at school bored out of my skull. Although I did get an entire play read for my Mythology class, be proud, I actually did something on my break today. I realized I defs haven't updated this in a while. I don't know, thesse past couple of weeks have been weird, and I'm not quite sure what to think. It's kinda one of the those feelings like something isn't quite right, or I'm not quite content, I'm not sure, but I don't really lile the feeling. Maybe it's stress from everything latley, especially German, ugh. I don't even know what to say about German. It's definitely been difficult lately. I defs need to work really hard for the next month, cause right now, I'm not doing so well in it, and considering that it's my major, I defs need to pick it up.

I also need to go see a counsellor soon and get my courses set up for the next three years, ugh, I don't want too. Why can't I just have somebody go and do it for me, it would make things soo much easier.

Lol, yes I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything, I have figured out that I'm really not good at keeping up with this, lol anyways,

So I would like to say to you, thank you. It feels nice to be able to talk to somebody and feel like I don't have to hide anything, and say what I'm really feeling, I've been sooo closed off for soo many years to people, that it's hard for me to say what I'm really thinking, and to have somebody actually listen to what I'm saying, as opposed to just agreeing with everything I say and passing it off as nothing. It's taken soo long for me to trust somebody and know they don't they don't think that I'm stupid for saying something, or saying it to get attention, but just to listen, that's all I've ever wanted.

Saying this, I think that I've defiantly learned alot of life lessons, and realizing that things happen for a reason. I think that whatever happened in the past has made me who I am today, and I think it's for the better. And even though I can't follow my dreams the way that I wish I could, I know that there's a plan for me, and I obviously wasn't on the right track to getting to where I need to be in life, that it wasn't the right thing for me, as much as I would like to think that it was. I also think that if something is meant to be, it will happen, even if it's not always there, and you might not see it now. There are issues, and I'm sure if you gave it a chance you would see that you don't need this, that you can find better in this world, or maybe now is not the right time and later on it'll be right, you just need to give it a chance.

I know that you'll be okay, I know that you'll do what's right and what you feel you need to do. I know there is a path for you to follow. I know there is good stuff in this world for you,

And I'm here, any time anybody needs anything, I'm here.

In the New Year

• So, school today was pretty good. I;m not quite sure what I think about German, I'm kinda excited to meet the new people in my class, and yet at the same time, I'm a really shy person, so I'm scared. But I think that I'm going to like Mythology. It seems pretty interesting, I was just readin some of the stuff that I have to have read for Wednesday, and it's actually something that I'm getting into and not being bored out of my mind with.


• Thinking that I defs need to start working out again, my knee is swollen, again, and I"m kinda sick and tired of sounding like a broken record, so I defs need to get the motivation to do it. It would be nice to be able to run and jump and dance, even just in the house, without having to worry about hurting it. I think that I'm always going to have that fear in the back of my mind that I could hurt it, but I think that once I'm back to "normal" it will defs subside, and that would be nice.


• Defs realized that I must be stressing again, because my breathing is bad again, nowhere near as bad as it was during the summer, but I can feel it again, and the thing is, I have no clue what I'm stressing over. But I think that is where my new idea to "go with the flow" will help me. I need to quit stressing over all the little things in my life, worry about the bigger problems, and see where things go. And you people need to hold me to it! I need that reminder, I think that is also where I need to get the tattoo that I want. Another reminder that I need to just free myself from all the b/s, because I defs forget alot of the time, and I think that would help me.
• I also think that I need to come up with a better routine for my studying this semester. I think that I could've done better than I did in German and Art History, so I think that I need to get better study habits, because I have both classes again this semester. I also need to get an appointment to go see a counsellor and figure out my degree, and figure out what courses that I need to take for the next three years, I can't even believe that I'm halfway through my first year of university already, time goes by fast.

It's way to late for me to be up right now

• Hmm, so I don't know, but I feel like I need to get something out, but I'm not sure exactly what it is, lol. I don't know, I've got so many things running through my head right now, so that is probs one of the reasons I've been getting like no sleep. I'm pretty excited to go to Banff though on Wednesday. I'm excited to be out of the city, even if it's only for the day. And I'm excited to hang out with my best friends, cause that hasn't happened in sooo long, just the four of us. I'm kinda excited to go back to school, but at the same time, not really. Now that I've been in University for an entire semester, it still feels like school, and that's kinda what I don't like. Like it was sooo weird because I wasn't even nervous for my new school experience, I was really excited. Now, thinking about it, it just kind of feels like normal, and I don't know. I am excited though for my Mythological Creatures in Lit. class, I'm thinking that it is going to be interesting, I'm hoping, :)
• What else, I don't even know. These past couple of days have been kinda weird, I don't even know, lol. That all I know, and I don't even know what to say to any of it. In some ways I'm still trying to comprehend everything still, it's a lot to take in.
• I'm pretty excited for our new SUV that mom and dad bought. It's so nice, and it's nice, because our family hasn't had anything that nice that we own. I'm excited to be able to drive it, but it's kinda fun just being able to sit in it, lol, just saying. I've also been thinking lately that I would like to be on the Real World. If anybody has ever seen the show, they have like 7 or 8 people like living in this one house for like 4 months, and now that I've been rewatching some of the older seasons, I think that it would be a really neat experience. It'd be cool to be able to live somehwere other than home. I think that I would grow up soo much from it, but that's just the dream, lol
• Now I guess cause I haven't really said it, my New Years Resolutions. I've never really made any before, kinda funny. But now I actually have something that I really want to accomplish. This year is going to be the year that I dance again. I'm going to work my ass off so I can be able to. If I've learned anything from 2009, it's that I defs love dancing, and to be honest, I'm surprised that I haven't died yet because I haven't been able to dance how I want to. I also think that I'm going to try to be more going with the flow. All my life I've lived with some sort of "schedule" So everytime something happens that I don't want to happen, I try to fight it, and I think I just need to be more easy going, not so uptight about everything, and try and be a good friend to everybody, cause I know everyone of you guys are going to need it or already need it.
• So now that I've written all that, I'm still really not sleepy, not in the least, and now I need to think of something to do, that won't wake everybody in the house, ugh, I hate it when I'm the only one up, and I have to be quiet.