OMGOMGOMG

So I have some crazy exciting OMGing news!!!!!!!! I decided that I felt like dancing, and when I get that feeling, I go downstairs into the basement, and just bust out the moves. In this instance, I decided to go for a pirouette, and some how, my spotting was crazy insane good, and I managed to do a triple pirouette. It's soooo weird, because I've never managed to do a pirouette that well in my life. It's really hard to explain, but it just kinda felt like my body took control, and my mind was elsewhere, and just managed to do it!!! And then somehow, after that, I was able to do like 3 or 4 more doubles, which is weird, because usually after that I get myself all worked up, and I can't do eve one. Of course now my knee is sore, and I have ice on it, but that probs cause I'm doing turns on carpet, which yes, I know I shouldn't do, but I don't have anywhere else to dance! Just saying, it makes me really happy. :)))))

Wow

• I've been thinking a lot, and I've noticed how weird it is how one person can have such a huge effect on another. I don't know why, but it's just weird how a person can make another feel happy or sad or angry and have such a control on others emotions and feelings, and not even realize it sometimes. And even just your emotions sometimes either, sick, or relaxed and at ease. Like isn't that weird how somebody else can have all that control over you, and you don't even realize it. It's part of life, so you don't even think about it. I don't know, it's not like I'm doing any profound thinking right now, but I was just thinking about it on my way to work today, maybe just because of everything that is happening lately, I'm not sure.

Post Christmas

• Had a pretty nice Christmas this year. I got the things that I needed and kinda wanted, and it was kinda weird how many presents weren't under the tree this year. It was nice to see that too. It was a really laid back one this year as well, and seriously spent most of the day watching Big Bang Theory, lolol, and I love how the Comedy Network called it the Christmas Big Bang-a-thon, I'm just saying.
• Also been thinking that I don't need to do that again. I have to try not worry so much, and I know that I do. It doesn't help the situation, and makes me more worked up and stressed out than I need to be. Just have to see where things go, and not make a big deal out of it, and I guess that I have to constantly keep reminding myself that.
• Also been thinking about my New Years resolution, and I think that I need to start eating better, cut out all of the crap that I eat on a daily basis.
• Also not impressed that I have to get up at 4 tomorrow morning, and work a twelve hour shift on boxing day. There is a reason why I don't leave the house on that particular day, and I'm not excited to work it for the entire day, ugh.
• Whatevs, good night world!

Why?

• Why do I always do this to myself,
• Also been feeling like a fake person lately, and I don't like it, and like I'm not myself, and I'd really like to know why that is.
• Wish this didn't affect me as much as it does, and it sucks,
• Why was I soooo stupid? Why did I decide that it would be smart to do that?
• Why is it always the same?
• Why can't I be stronger than this?
• Why do I always put myself in this position? You'd think that I would have learned by now, apparently not,
• Just stop the world for a second so I can get off please, it would be appreciated,
• I need to re-evaluate things,
• I just need time,

So I be sitting here with Breanna, you know chilling and stuff *insert asian accent here*, lolololol, after getting home from Atlas for Amy's birthday *insert asian accent here*

Ummm, lets see, very stressful week, *insert german accent here* Halllooooo, Halllooo,!!!!!

Also very tired, and yeah, just saying!

• Sooooo, super duper stressed from my exams, and pms-ing, and now being sick, fml.
• I really have no clue what is going to happen now. I really want things to just be done and over with. I can't handle it anymore, I just can't.
• Also dealing with a drunk-ass Breanna last night was NOT fun. Good lord, I love you to death girl, but if you ever get that drunk again and I'm the only one there to take care of you, I'ma bust a tit, lol. And please don't puke in my car again, just saying.
• Ugh, have my psych final tomorrow, at 7 pm, on a Saturday, cause friggen school is ridiculous, and then I have my Anthro one on Monday at 8 am, fantastic, ughughugughugh.
• Also just realized that when you go ughughugh, over and over again, it spells hug, I guess that could be considered ironic, or maybe because a person needs one when they have to say ugh repeatedly over and over again? Just a theory.

End of Classes

• Right now, it's blowing my mind how quickly this semester has gone by. I seriously can't even believe it's December now, and only a couple of weeks til Christmas, holy!
• I'm kinda sad that today was the last day of my German language class. I actually really enjoyed it. I liked the people that were in it, and I feel like I learned stuff, and I was understanding stuff, ad I feel like I'm really starting to get a better grasp of the language (taken long enough)
• Speaking of German, my next bit is going to be in German, cause I think that I should start writing more in German, even if I get it wrong, I think it would help:
• Ich denke, ich sollte einen Teil meines Bloges auf Deutsch schreiben, weil ich die Ubung benutzt konnte. Ich freue mich auf Weihnacten. Das ist alles! Auch, diese Blog ist sehr dumm!
• I think that's about all I got right now, I still have to finish the blog post for my German class, and that's probs where I should be writing German posts, but it's awkward when your professor can read them, just saying!
• Also here is a song that I haven't listened to in a really long time, and really doesn't have any significant meaning for me, but I like it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHmD17rBDno

Gotta love Monday mornings!

• Ugh...
• First of all, the fact that it's almost the end of semester is starting to hit me, and the stress is starting to build up.
• So I barely worked on my German project that is due on Friday, which is not, good, but I think that I will still be able to finish it with time to spare, it's just alot of reading and translating.
• Also, last night, I turned on my alram, but I forgot that it was still set to go off at 830, not 730, so I didn't get up until 8 this morning because my dad came to say goodbye before he left for work, otherwise I'm sure that I'd still be sleeping
• I also forgot to put the charger for my laptop in my backpack when I was finished with it on saturday, and I defs left for the train without it, until I had parked, and walked all the way up to the train station. By then I realized this, and also realized that if I had no computer, than I couldn't work on said German project, and really, it would be a two hour break wasted.
• Also, when I finally made it to school, after missing the class that the German project is due in, I was about 40 minutes early for the next class, and I was planning on going to Timmy's, except just kidding! cause I defs left my wallet in my purse. So I not only was driving without a liscence, but I also don't have my bus pass, and I'm really hoping that I don't cross paths with the transit cops, cause I'd really rather not get a ticket, and how about lets not get pulled over by the cops when driving home, (knock on wood)
• Also I hope that I get through all my exams well, especially my German one, I really need a good mark in it,

December

• First of all, I can't even believe that it's the 2 of December already, and also makes me realize that I need to get on my christmas shopping, I have like none done, whoops!
• Second, I can't even believe how fast this semester is going. I was like talking to people in my German class, and everybody else can't even believe that the course is almost over. ONLY ONE MORE WEEK AND THEN END OF SEMESTER!!!! But then of course there are exams, unfortunately til the 20th for me :(
• Just felt like I needed to write something here, I haven't in while.
• Also! Just realized how I'm going to have to start thinking about going abroad. I don't know thought if I want to go in the Fall next year, or in the Winter next year. I kinda want to go away in the Winter, just cause then I don't have to deal with the ridiculous Calgary snow, just saying, and that would defs be a bonus!

OMG!!!

• Okay, so right now I was struck with like a million ideas at once of all the things that I want to do, and now it feels like I have absolutely no time to do any of it, HOLY!!!!! I like never get these.
• First, I had the idea for my German lit class blog, I want to write a review of Harry Potter. In this class we are supposed to update it like a normal blog, which clearly I fail at, even on my personal one, what makes a school one any different. But the prof had asked if anybody had seen the movie yesterday, and it just occured to me now that I can write about that, considering I like never update that blog and it always seems like a chore to me.
• Second, I would like to say how surprised I am right now by how much I'm understanding in Linguistics right now. We have to draw these trees for sentences, like to show the sentence structure, and right now, I'm actually enjoying drawing said trees, and I have no clue why, and I'm not sitting here in confusion. It's really nice that something is making sense to me in that class, cause it's usually ridiculous how much I don't get, but I think taking German has helped that ALOT. So really, I like how that is all coming together. I also like how on the last assignment I got 86%! Makes me happy!
• Talking about German, in my language class, I don't think I did very well at all on the exam that I had yesterday. There was sooo much to do in only 45 minutes, so needless to say, I didn't even finish, :( But I have to make sure that I work my ass off for the next exam and the final, I need a really good mark in that class, thank you very much.
• I'm seriously shaking with like anticipation right now, I'm so excited, lol
• I would also like to say that I like how one that page that loads after you've signed in, there is a wall thing that tells you who has updated their blog, just saying! It's pretty neat!
• Also feel like there was one more thing that I wanted to say.....
• ... Oh that it's starting to feel like Christmas! I'm excited to bake and put the tree up! My favorite! Most years lately it hasn't really felt like Christmas to me, but right now it does, so I'm just embracing it, and I really really really want to watch the Grinch and my other Christmas movies, that's also my other favorite part!!
• Now I think that I should get to work, I have a friggen PYSCH article evaluation thing that I need to do for tomorrow, ugh! And then I can start writing my post for german. ALSO btw, I also like how I'm starting to be able to put together sentences more quickly in German, I don't have to sit there for hours trying to figure out how to say what I want, so that's pretty awesome, makes things easier too!

• So the stress of having to get homework done is really starting to get to me. I've been handing things in late and I didn't go to psych yesterday, whoops! and I'm kinda falling behind on stuff. My bad. But it defs doesn't help that I'm sick either, so I do have an excuse.
• I think that I've also come to the comclusion right now that I'm not really happy. It kinda seems strange, cause for the most part, I'm usually pretty content with how life is going, but right now something seems out of balance. And while I was at work I was thinking that I need to start doing something that makes me happy, and I think a HUGE thing that is throwing my world out of orbit is dance. Not dancing for close on two years I think is really a part that I'm missing. My knee is waaaaaaaaay better that it used to be, but I know it's still not fully recovered, but I think that it's something that I need to do for me. The only thing is I'm sooo busy right now, that I know a dance class wouldn't be happening, but I'm thinking about it for next year. I really want to do it, and I think I need to do it, and kinda break this wall of fear down, because I am still super scared I'm going to break it, but I can't be held back by fear any more, it's never going to let me do what I want and need to do!
• Also, I need to quit doing this.

• So I'm sitting here at school, on my five hour long break, wishing I wasn't sick, cause then that means this break wouldn't feel nearly as long, cause I could go work out. It also makes me really sad to not be able to go work out. I've come to enjoy my workotut time, and I miss it today, :(
• So, super duper excited to go see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I, I can't even wait. It's going to be friggen fantastic. Even though it means that I'm not getting home till late that night, but that's okay, it's completely worth it!
• I'm also not enjoying having to write this German projekt right now. I don't wanna! I wanna go home and sleep for fifty years, but if I don't do it now, it's probs not going to get done, and I really need an amazing mark on this projekt, yes please!
• Also debating not going to psych. Friggen, still 3 hours away!
• I think that's all I have to say, just thought I would complain a little bit, lol.

Oh goodness!

First of all: Hello Blog, it's been a while, holy!

Second: School right now is kicking the crap out of me! Seriously, it's getting to that point in the year when you just start to get drained and want to quit right now. I know that I'm not going to do that, but I feel like it sometimes.

Third: My brain is in such a confusion and uproar right now. So much has happened in the past couple of weeks, and I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it. Like I know that it all happened, but it still seems very surreal, and I'm not quite to sure what to think about everything. It's also making me realize that I can't let myself get too caught up in everything, cause that's when everything goes wrong. Probs doesn't also help that I'm pms-ing right now, and I'm stressed to the absolute max. I don't even know how close to tears I've been this week. It's fantastic, it really is. This is why I don't like being a girl, I hate how my mood changes all the time, just when it seems like I'm getting everything together again, something comes in and throws everything off.

I feel like I'm going through a .... something. I'm not sure what exactly this something is, but I have a feeling that it's going to have an impact on my life in some way. (Don't ask me why I think this, I think it's one of those female intuition things!)

I just gotta remember to keep my wits about me, and don't run away with things. As much as I'd like to free-float through life, it's never worked out like that, so I don't think it would now.

Whoops!

Most definitely forgot that I even had this, lol, fail on my part! Just saying.

Defs sitting right now at school bored out of my skull. Although I did get an entire play read for my Mythology class, be proud, I actually did something on my break today. I realized I defs haven't updated this in a while. I don't know, thesse past couple of weeks have been weird, and I'm not quite sure what to think. It's kinda one of the those feelings like something isn't quite right, or I'm not quite content, I'm not sure, but I don't really lile the feeling. Maybe it's stress from everything latley, especially German, ugh. I don't even know what to say about German. It's definitely been difficult lately. I defs need to work really hard for the next month, cause right now, I'm not doing so well in it, and considering that it's my major, I defs need to pick it up.

I also need to go see a counsellor soon and get my courses set up for the next three years, ugh, I don't want too. Why can't I just have somebody go and do it for me, it would make things soo much easier.

Lol, yes I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything, I have figured out that I'm really not good at keeping up with this, lol anyways,

So I would like to say to you, thank you. It feels nice to be able to talk to somebody and feel like I don't have to hide anything, and say what I'm really feeling, I've been sooo closed off for soo many years to people, that it's hard for me to say what I'm really thinking, and to have somebody actually listen to what I'm saying, as opposed to just agreeing with everything I say and passing it off as nothing. It's taken soo long for me to trust somebody and know they don't they don't think that I'm stupid for saying something, or saying it to get attention, but just to listen, that's all I've ever wanted.

Saying this, I think that I've defiantly learned alot of life lessons, and realizing that things happen for a reason. I think that whatever happened in the past has made me who I am today, and I think it's for the better. And even though I can't follow my dreams the way that I wish I could, I know that there's a plan for me, and I obviously wasn't on the right track to getting to where I need to be in life, that it wasn't the right thing for me, as much as I would like to think that it was. I also think that if something is meant to be, it will happen, even if it's not always there, and you might not see it now. There are issues, and I'm sure if you gave it a chance you would see that you don't need this, that you can find better in this world, or maybe now is not the right time and later on it'll be right, you just need to give it a chance.

I know that you'll be okay, I know that you'll do what's right and what you feel you need to do. I know there is a path for you to follow. I know there is good stuff in this world for you,

And I'm here, any time anybody needs anything, I'm here.

In the New Year

• So, school today was pretty good. I;m not quite sure what I think about German, I'm kinda excited to meet the new people in my class, and yet at the same time, I'm a really shy person, so I'm scared. But I think that I'm going to like Mythology. It seems pretty interesting, I was just readin some of the stuff that I have to have read for Wednesday, and it's actually something that I'm getting into and not being bored out of my mind with.


• Thinking that I defs need to start working out again, my knee is swollen, again, and I"m kinda sick and tired of sounding like a broken record, so I defs need to get the motivation to do it. It would be nice to be able to run and jump and dance, even just in the house, without having to worry about hurting it. I think that I'm always going to have that fear in the back of my mind that I could hurt it, but I think that once I'm back to "normal" it will defs subside, and that would be nice.


• Defs realized that I must be stressing again, because my breathing is bad again, nowhere near as bad as it was during the summer, but I can feel it again, and the thing is, I have no clue what I'm stressing over. But I think that is where my new idea to "go with the flow" will help me. I need to quit stressing over all the little things in my life, worry about the bigger problems, and see where things go. And you people need to hold me to it! I need that reminder, I think that is also where I need to get the tattoo that I want. Another reminder that I need to just free myself from all the b/s, because I defs forget alot of the time, and I think that would help me.
• I also think that I need to come up with a better routine for my studying this semester. I think that I could've done better than I did in German and Art History, so I think that I need to get better study habits, because I have both classes again this semester. I also need to get an appointment to go see a counsellor and figure out my degree, and figure out what courses that I need to take for the next three years, I can't even believe that I'm halfway through my first year of university already, time goes by fast.

It's way to late for me to be up right now

• Hmm, so I don't know, but I feel like I need to get something out, but I'm not sure exactly what it is, lol. I don't know, I've got so many things running through my head right now, so that is probs one of the reasons I've been getting like no sleep. I'm pretty excited to go to Banff though on Wednesday. I'm excited to be out of the city, even if it's only for the day. And I'm excited to hang out with my best friends, cause that hasn't happened in sooo long, just the four of us. I'm kinda excited to go back to school, but at the same time, not really. Now that I've been in University for an entire semester, it still feels like school, and that's kinda what I don't like. Like it was sooo weird because I wasn't even nervous for my new school experience, I was really excited. Now, thinking about it, it just kind of feels like normal, and I don't know. I am excited though for my Mythological Creatures in Lit. class, I'm thinking that it is going to be interesting, I'm hoping, :)
• What else, I don't even know. These past couple of days have been kinda weird, I don't even know, lol. That all I know, and I don't even know what to say to any of it. In some ways I'm still trying to comprehend everything still, it's a lot to take in.
• I'm pretty excited for our new SUV that mom and dad bought. It's so nice, and it's nice, because our family hasn't had anything that nice that we own. I'm excited to be able to drive it, but it's kinda fun just being able to sit in it, lol, just saying. I've also been thinking lately that I would like to be on the Real World. If anybody has ever seen the show, they have like 7 or 8 people like living in this one house for like 4 months, and now that I've been rewatching some of the older seasons, I think that it would be a really neat experience. It'd be cool to be able to live somehwere other than home. I think that I would grow up soo much from it, but that's just the dream, lol
• Now I guess cause I haven't really said it, my New Years Resolutions. I've never really made any before, kinda funny. But now I actually have something that I really want to accomplish. This year is going to be the year that I dance again. I'm going to work my ass off so I can be able to. If I've learned anything from 2009, it's that I defs love dancing, and to be honest, I'm surprised that I haven't died yet because I haven't been able to dance how I want to. I also think that I'm going to try to be more going with the flow. All my life I've lived with some sort of "schedule" So everytime something happens that I don't want to happen, I try to fight it, and I think I just need to be more easy going, not so uptight about everything, and try and be a good friend to everybody, cause I know everyone of you guys are going to need it or already need it.
• So now that I've written all that, I'm still really not sleepy, not in the least, and now I need to think of something to do, that won't wake everybody in the house, ugh, I hate it when I'm the only one up, and I have to be quiet.