Defs sitting right now at school bored out of my skull. Although I did get an entire play read for my Mythology class, be proud, I actually did something on my break today. I realized I defs haven't updated this in a while. I don't know, thesse past couple of weeks have been weird, and I'm not quite sure what to think. It's kinda one of the those feelings like something isn't quite right, or I'm not quite content, I'm not sure, but I don't really lile the feeling. Maybe it's stress from everything latley, especially German, ugh. I don't even know what to say about German. It's definitely been difficult lately. I defs need to work really hard for the next month, cause right now, I'm not doing so well in it, and considering that it's my major, I defs need to pick it up.

I also need to go see a counsellor soon and get my courses set up for the next three years, ugh, I don't want too. Why can't I just have somebody go and do it for me, it would make things soo much easier.

Lol, yes I know it's been a long time since I've posted anything, I have figured out that I'm really not good at keeping up with this, lol anyways,

So I would like to say to you, thank you. It feels nice to be able to talk to somebody and feel like I don't have to hide anything, and say what I'm really feeling, I've been sooo closed off for soo many years to people, that it's hard for me to say what I'm really thinking, and to have somebody actually listen to what I'm saying, as opposed to just agreeing with everything I say and passing it off as nothing. It's taken soo long for me to trust somebody and know they don't they don't think that I'm stupid for saying something, or saying it to get attention, but just to listen, that's all I've ever wanted.

Saying this, I think that I've defiantly learned alot of life lessons, and realizing that things happen for a reason. I think that whatever happened in the past has made me who I am today, and I think it's for the better. And even though I can't follow my dreams the way that I wish I could, I know that there's a plan for me, and I obviously wasn't on the right track to getting to where I need to be in life, that it wasn't the right thing for me, as much as I would like to think that it was. I also think that if something is meant to be, it will happen, even if it's not always there, and you might not see it now. There are issues, and I'm sure if you gave it a chance you would see that you don't need this, that you can find better in this world, or maybe now is not the right time and later on it'll be right, you just need to give it a chance.

I know that you'll be okay, I know that you'll do what's right and what you feel you need to do. I know there is a path for you to follow. I know there is good stuff in this world for you,

And I'm here, any time anybody needs anything, I'm here.

In the New Year

• So, school today was pretty good. I;m not quite sure what I think about German, I'm kinda excited to meet the new people in my class, and yet at the same time, I'm a really shy person, so I'm scared. But I think that I'm going to like Mythology. It seems pretty interesting, I was just readin some of the stuff that I have to have read for Wednesday, and it's actually something that I'm getting into and not being bored out of my mind with.


• Thinking that I defs need to start working out again, my knee is swollen, again, and I"m kinda sick and tired of sounding like a broken record, so I defs need to get the motivation to do it. It would be nice to be able to run and jump and dance, even just in the house, without having to worry about hurting it. I think that I'm always going to have that fear in the back of my mind that I could hurt it, but I think that once I'm back to "normal" it will defs subside, and that would be nice.


• Defs realized that I must be stressing again, because my breathing is bad again, nowhere near as bad as it was during the summer, but I can feel it again, and the thing is, I have no clue what I'm stressing over. But I think that is where my new idea to "go with the flow" will help me. I need to quit stressing over all the little things in my life, worry about the bigger problems, and see where things go. And you people need to hold me to it! I need that reminder, I think that is also where I need to get the tattoo that I want. Another reminder that I need to just free myself from all the b/s, because I defs forget alot of the time, and I think that would help me.
• I also think that I need to come up with a better routine for my studying this semester. I think that I could've done better than I did in German and Art History, so I think that I need to get better study habits, because I have both classes again this semester. I also need to get an appointment to go see a counsellor and figure out my degree, and figure out what courses that I need to take for the next three years, I can't even believe that I'm halfway through my first year of university already, time goes by fast.

It's way to late for me to be up right now

• Hmm, so I don't know, but I feel like I need to get something out, but I'm not sure exactly what it is, lol. I don't know, I've got so many things running through my head right now, so that is probs one of the reasons I've been getting like no sleep. I'm pretty excited to go to Banff though on Wednesday. I'm excited to be out of the city, even if it's only for the day. And I'm excited to hang out with my best friends, cause that hasn't happened in sooo long, just the four of us. I'm kinda excited to go back to school, but at the same time, not really. Now that I've been in University for an entire semester, it still feels like school, and that's kinda what I don't like. Like it was sooo weird because I wasn't even nervous for my new school experience, I was really excited. Now, thinking about it, it just kind of feels like normal, and I don't know. I am excited though for my Mythological Creatures in Lit. class, I'm thinking that it is going to be interesting, I'm hoping, :)
• What else, I don't even know. These past couple of days have been kinda weird, I don't even know, lol. That all I know, and I don't even know what to say to any of it. In some ways I'm still trying to comprehend everything still, it's a lot to take in.
• I'm pretty excited for our new SUV that mom and dad bought. It's so nice, and it's nice, because our family hasn't had anything that nice that we own. I'm excited to be able to drive it, but it's kinda fun just being able to sit in it, lol, just saying. I've also been thinking lately that I would like to be on the Real World. If anybody has ever seen the show, they have like 7 or 8 people like living in this one house for like 4 months, and now that I've been rewatching some of the older seasons, I think that it would be a really neat experience. It'd be cool to be able to live somehwere other than home. I think that I would grow up soo much from it, but that's just the dream, lol
• Now I guess cause I haven't really said it, my New Years Resolutions. I've never really made any before, kinda funny. But now I actually have something that I really want to accomplish. This year is going to be the year that I dance again. I'm going to work my ass off so I can be able to. If I've learned anything from 2009, it's that I defs love dancing, and to be honest, I'm surprised that I haven't died yet because I haven't been able to dance how I want to. I also think that I'm going to try to be more going with the flow. All my life I've lived with some sort of "schedule" So everytime something happens that I don't want to happen, I try to fight it, and I think I just need to be more easy going, not so uptight about everything, and try and be a good friend to everybody, cause I know everyone of you guys are going to need it or already need it.
• So now that I've written all that, I'm still really not sleepy, not in the least, and now I need to think of something to do, that won't wake everybody in the house, ugh, I hate it when I'm the only one up, and I have to be quiet.

After Christmas

Christmas was pretty quiet this year. Nothing really big happened, but it was kinda nice to be able to not really have to worry about going anywhere, or having anybody over at the house, just the immediate family. I totally got my netbook. It's soo cute. It's little and small and it weighs like nothing, and I really like it. Except for the fact that the version of Windows 7 that I have is the starter edition, so I can't change my desktop background, which kinda makes me sad, but mom thinks that she could probs get a deal on an upgrade because I'm a student, so we'll see, but it's not a big deal, I'm just glad that I have one now for school. That was pretty much my present there, lol, but I did get the special edition of Harry Potter and the HBP, so I'm happy also, you always have to have the special edition of Harry Potter, it's like an unwritten rule, lol. Anyways, now I'm looking forward to New Years, I'm excited to see what 2010 has in store for me, and I'm just hoping that it will be better in terms of not hurting myself. I'd really like to make it the entire year without having to go to the emergency room, that would be nice.

Just thinking

• So I've been doing alot of thinking lately, and I'm thinking that I need to get back into my routine of doing my physio, cause lately my knee has been hurting more than normal, and it's been swollen, so that's a forsure sign that it needs to be worked out more.
• I'm also thinking that I need to invest more time in myself, do what makes me happy, and not worry about anybody else, well maybe my friends, :) but only cause I love you guys to death, lol,
• I have also, for defs decided that drinking that much, that fast, is never going to happen again. I know I have already said this, but now you people can hold me to my word.
• I just want everybody to know that I'm there for them, and you guys can talk to me about anything. I know things have been rough lately, but I want to make things work, :)
• I'm pretty excited for Amys birthday party, and no, it's not so I can drink, lol, but so then I can hang out with everybody and then go dancing, holla! And maybe have one drink, maybe.
• I'm excited for exams to be done, then I can relax and take it easy, and destress, cause I'm sure that will help things lots, I'm sure that's been a huge problem lately.
• I'm also excited to do my Christmas baking, and putting up my Christmas tree tomorrow, it's my favorite time of the year, even though there's like fifty feet of snow, it still better stick around so we can have a white christmas, that would be nice, please and thank you,

Never Again

So defs had an experience to last me a lifetime, and have decided that I"m never drinking that much again in and hour and a half, NEVER. It is not soo much fun waking up and not remembering what happened the night before, and still be drunk. Then to boot, having the worst headache in the world and having your tummy be like gurgle gurgle. I'm just thank ful that I had my friends and my family to watch over me, because I'm sure as hell that I wouldn't be writing this today if I hadn't, so THANK YOU, :).
Ugh, now I have to deal with all of my studying for exams, and today kinda went out the window, so now I have even less time to read through the fifty thousand pages of texts for these exams, but I have defs learned my lesson, and never again am I doing it.